Pregnant Chicken Hook Up

OMG.  Have ya'll heard of Pregnant Chicken?  My sister-in-law has sent me a couple funny posts from it, but seeing as I'm trying to (1) recover from the holiday weekend; (2) avoid doing any work; and (3) sit really still hope I'm not catching strep throat (that Dude's Dude is home with), I decided to check out the blog.  Holy funniest site I've read in a while!  Here's one particular post that I LOVE....

Have a great week!

Clever Pregnancy Comebacks : Part Three

Here is the final installment of the Clever Comebacks!

Thanks to the peeps on Facebook who helped me with the "caffeine" comebacks – all I could think of was "f--- off".

Are you sure you're not having twins?! You're so big!

I'm totally using these :)

• Shhh, it's actually a litter of puppies but don't tell anyone yet.
• No, I actually have a condition called "Ur-a-dick". Google it. It's spelled the way it sounds.
• Did you say "twins" or "violins"? Oh, okay I guess both sounded kind of stupid.

"Is the nursery ready?"

• No, the baby isn't going to be staying with us.
• Yep, the sock drawer is all ready to go!
• Sort of, we're just waiting for the electric fencing to be installed.

"You must have wanted a girl/boy instead"

• Actually, I was hoping for a kitten that could burp glitter.
• Yes, I'm having a custom t-shirt made that says "I got pregnant and all I ended up with was this perfect baby boy/girl".
• I'll just trade it for something else in the hospital.

"You're just hormonal."

• Shall I tell your family that those were your final words?
• "I was simply hormonal, your Honor. I didn't mean to stab him in the neck with a pencil."
• I think you mean "ormornal". The "h" is silent when you're speaking in moron.

"How are you going to handle another one?!"

• We're selling the oldest one on eBay.
• Oh, it will be fine. I drink a little.
• I just won't pick this one up when it cries. I figure that will free up a lot of my time.

How ya feeling? (with a head tilt).

• I don't know, I'm still a little drunk.
• Strangely violent today.
• It's funny that you should ask that (then abruptly walk away).

"You should NOT be drinking caffeine." (or doing, eating, touching, etc. something else that's none of their damn business).

• Oh my gosh, Th...ank YOU! Are you SURE? I had NO idea. My doctor said it was fine, thank god you are here to save me from-what is it exactly the caffeine will do?
• The Voices say I can have caffeine. I don't fuck with the Voices.
• Decaf make PREGNANT HULK SMASH!!!!!!!!
• You shouldn't be wearing those jeans (etc.) but I didn't bring that to your attention.
• This is the best I can do since kicking the methamphetamine habit.
• It's not caffeine. It's doctor prescribed laxative tea because this pregnancy is making me so constipated I have hemorrhoids. Oh, sorry, was that too much information?
• You're right, tequila is better.
• F--- off.

I'm guessing if this is Part III, there's more goodness to follow but I just haven't made my way there yet and HAD to share this immediately!