Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Pregnant Chicken Hook Up

OMG.  Have ya'll heard of Pregnant Chicken?  My sister-in-law has sent me a couple funny posts from it, but seeing as I'm trying to (1) recover from the holiday weekend; (2) avoid doing any work; and (3) sit really still hope I'm not catching strep throat (that Dude's Dude is home with), I decided to check out the blog.  Holy funniest site I've read in a while!  Here's one particular post that I LOVE....

Have a great week!

Clever Pregnancy Comebacks : Part Three

Here is the final installment of the Clever Comebacks!
Thanks to the peeps on Facebook who helped me with the "caffeine" comebacks – all I could think of was "f--- off".

Are you sure you're not having twins?! You're so big!
I'm totally using these :)
  • Shhh, it's actually a litter of puppies but don't tell anyone yet.
  • No, I actually have a condition called "Ur-a-dick". Google it. It's spelled the way it sounds.
  • Did you say "twins" or "violins"? Oh, okay I guess both sounded kind of stupid.

"Is the nursery ready?"
  • No, the baby isn't going to be staying with us.
  • Yep, the sock drawer is all ready to go!
  • Sort of, we're just waiting for the electric fencing to be installed.

"You must have wanted a girl/boy instead"

  • Actually, I was hoping for a kitten that could burp glitter.
  • Yes, I'm having a custom t-shirt made that says "I got pregnant and all I ended up with was this perfect baby boy/girl".
  • I'll just trade it for something else in the hospital.

"You're just hormonal."
  • Shall I tell your family that those were your final words?
  • "I was simply hormonal, your Honor. I didn't mean to stab him in the neck with a pencil."
  • I think you mean "ormornal". The "h" is silent when you're speaking in moron.

"How are you going to handle another one?!"
  • We're selling the oldest one on eBay.
  • Oh, it will be fine. I drink a little.
  • I just won't pick this one up when it cries. I figure that will free up a lot of my time.

How ya feeling? (with a head tilt).

  • I don't know, I'm still a little drunk.
  • Strangely violent today.
  • It's funny that you should ask that (then abruptly walk away).

"You should NOT be drinking caffeine." (or doing, eating, touching, etc. something else that's none of their damn business).
  • Oh my gosh, Th...ank YOU! Are you SURE? I had NO idea. My doctor said it was fine, thank god you are here to save me from-what is it exactly the caffeine will do?
  • The Voices say I can have caffeine. I don't fuck with the Voices.
  • Decaf make PREGNANT HULK SMASH!!!!!!!!
  • You shouldn't be wearing those jeans (etc.) but I didn't bring that to your attention.
  • This is the best I can do since kicking the methamphetamine habit.
  • It's not caffeine. It's doctor prescribed laxative tea because this pregnancy is making me so constipated I have hemorrhoids. Oh, sorry, was that too much information?
  • You're right, tequila is better.
  • F--- off.

I'm guessing if this is Part III, there's more goodness to follow but I just haven't made my way there yet and HAD to share this immediately! 

Friday, May 27, 2011

Things that Go Bump in the Night...

Well, more like things that go bump in the night, in the morning, all day long.  Little Luke doesn't care what time it is, this guy is a mover and shaker!  And last night, Dude's Dude finally got to feel the action!  It's been neat for me to feel the little flutters but last night, as I stretched out on the floor with Dude's Dude's hands on my belly, watching the basketball game, we both shared that first moment of feeling our son at the same time.  And let me tell ya... kinda blew this mama-to-be's mind (and daddy's for that matter)! What a crazy experience - and now, I can't wait for all the big moments to come.  Love this little boy so much already and can't wait to meet him.  I know, I know... we just passed the half-way mark a couple weeks ago, but still. And since I know he needs to "cook" a little bit longer, I'm hoping the 3-D/4-D sonogram in a couple weeks will tie me over.

Have a great weekend!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Weekend Update

Yay for actually having a social life this weekend!  Tonight, we are headed to a new dueling piano bar in Dallas, called the Penguin Bar (or something like that), for a friend's birthday party.  And the birthday boy's wife just happens to be one of my favorites so seeing her and the rest of the gang is always a good time!  We're meeting at 8:00 so here's hoping I get a nap in and can at least hang in there till 11:30 (although that's pushing it, I'm sure!)

Tomorrow, Dude's Dude is doing something really out of character.  Now, I know most people are either fanatical about Jimmy Buffet (as in love him and follow him to concerts and all that) or at least can tolerate his music.  Well, Dude's Dude and I just so happen to not fall into either of those fact, Buffet and his parrot heads pretty much make me want to bang my head against the wall.  BUT, Dude's Dude has a good friend that is a Parrot Head if we're being honest -- I mean, he's driving down from OKC to go to the Buffet concert in Frisco tomorrow.  And he asked Dude's Dude to tailgate with him since we live so close to Pizza Hut park these days.  And guess what?  Dude's Dude said YES.  CRAZINESS! 

So, while he's at the Buffet tailgating extravaganza (I mean, what else can you call it!?!?!?), I'll be

A)  Praying that he doesn't come home looking like this, singing "Cheeseburger in Paradise"

B)  Shopping - I've got a couple ideas for Luke's nursery that I'm so excited to start searching for!  


C)  May even attend an arts festival if the weather holds out.

Should be a fun one!  Hope you all have a good weekend!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Calm Before the Storm

So, this weekend was one of those that makes you wonder if it's the calm before the storm!  Dude's Dude was out of town and I had a weekend of R&R (and shopping)!  We recently moved to a new house - and love it! - but it needed some flowers and such.  So I forgot to get a before and after of the back -- but here's the front
And I added these gorgeous flowers on the front porch - no idea what they are so don't even ask!

And my sweet mama, painted the flower boxes in the back AND planted the flowers!  I know I'm spoiled...and she's the best!!!

And, not only did my mom get my yard into shape, she also took this mom-to-be shopping.  I must have tried on every maternity dress in the metroplex trying to find a couple for several weddings we are attending in June.  No luck on any dresses, but I did get these cute tops for work (and play):

I must confess, this last one is way cuter than it looks here - especially with my new white jeans!  LOVE IT!

I also finished reading The Help which I highly recommend!  It's going to be a movie soon (this summer I heard?) so if you're interested in reading it before seeing it, you better get on it!  It was a great read and the perfect topper to a relaxing weeked. 

And, here's the dreaded self-portrait in poor i-phone quality.  Yes, I'm in PJs...again.  With no make-up on so I intentionally blocked my face.  And NO, I'm not so swollen that I can't wear my wedding ring.  It was 8:30 on a Saturday night my bedtime and I was cozy....  So, here I am in all my 20 week glory!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Uh oh... Do I really!?!?!

So, this story is equal parts humiliating and funny.  Or maybe just funny because I had to laugh to wave off my embarrassment in public.  So, you know the super cute espadrilles that have the wedge heel and the ankle strap?  Well, I have a slight love affair with them.  I want a pair so bad.  But not just any pair...I've been lusting after a particular pair that is far beyond this mama-to-be's budget.  Yesterday, as my mom and I were celebrating mother's day shopping, I spied a cheaper, knock-off version of the shoes that have captured my heart.  YES!  So I eagerly asked the sales lady if she could bring out a size 5 1/2 (rarely actually in stock but worth a shot).  They did - YES!!! 


Cute, right?  (And these are the knock offs!) So I tried to put them on quickly, anxious to see if they were as a great as the "real deal" - the ones that made my legs looks long and lean and even a bit muscular (no complaints with those from this 5'3" preggo build at all!).  So far, so good....

Until the ankle strap wouldn't fit around my ankle!  Are you kidding me?  Could it be? 

"Oh my gosh...this mama may have cankles!" was all I could mutter out before bursting out laughing.  The sales lady was so sweet and asked if I'd like her to try. All I could manage to say in between obnoxious laughing was "Honestly?  No, I think I need to leave!" 

Agh!  Mama - 0.    Cankles - 1.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Snips, Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

Yep, our little one is a boy!  It makes it seem so real, you know, that it's a person and not a mango, sweet potato, canteloupe or whatever else my crazy books decide to chose for the weekly size comparison.  (He is currently the size of a sweet potato, 5.5 inches from head to booty for those that are curious.)  But for him being so small, well, this mama is already spoiling him with palatial-sized digs.  Yep, I'm feeling like I must be building him a mansion - I'm sporting quite a round tummy!

Before scolding me, this car was in park and I was waiting in a parking spot.  No danger to mama or baby here!

Speaking of spoiling this little man rotten, the shopping has already started.  In fact, Luke James (that's his name, did I mention that?!?!?!) already has his very first pair of golf shoes (complete with leather tassle), football jersey (it's a 2T but it works!) and even a manly little Wrangler onesie.  I'm gearing up to be outnumbered but couldn't be more excited about it!  And, until this little man has a say, I'm doing his room up right, boy colors all the way but matching the way I want.  He won't mind.  Cuz he already loves his mama.  See he's even smiling for pictures --- such a good boy!