Yep - this whole parenting thing is extreme. I've decided I use "so" too much so I'm switching to extreme. I'm extremely full of love for my son, my new family. I'm extremely grateful for his health and praying that it continues. I'm extremely tired. I'm extremely anxious. Extremely unsure of how to be the best mother. Extremely excited to see him grow into the man I know I will respect, the man I know he will become. Just...extreme. It seems like we are living every aspect these days in the extreme.
Luke's been home two weeks today and I fall more in love with him every day. I know...so cliche right? But I was that person who every time someone said "you don't get a mother's love until you experience it", I was all, "duh, of course". But I mean, really. This motherly love thing is extreme and as much as I knew that going into it all, I didn't really know it. If I had super hero powers, I swear I would use them all to make this one tiny man the happiest person on the planet for the rest of his life.
But, while he is doing well, he's still kind of struggling. His little lungs aren't quite developed and, especially now that he's been fighting a cold, he's had a rough couple days. Which makes for a rough couple days for mom and dad and a lot of sleepless nights. He's definitely doing better today though and we are so excited to start introducing him to our friends...our healthy, hands scrubbed, adult friends. With no kids in tow. (See, my extreme, crazy psycho mom skills have to be in play until he starts getting monthly vaccines to boost his weak little immune system.)
It's honestly been really hard for me to isolate him like his neonatologist and pediatrician have ordered. I want to show him off. I want to take him to family dinners and restaurants and let everyone fawn over him. Literally though, he's been to the pediatrician and the ER. In two weeks. That's it. And despite this immense love I have for him, and my desire to do whatever I need to in order to make him healthy and strong, it's been a challenge. So it will be a huge blessing when he can slowly get out a bit more.
I guess my whole "lesson" from this round of breathing issues is that this extreme love will get you by when you don't get the sleep or shower or meal or outside interaction that you think you need to continue on. I mean, look at this face. How could I really complain!?!?
More exciting stuff to come. For now, my sweet little guy needs a diaper change, a breathing treatment and a bottle. And hopefully a good night's sleep is following all that!