Extreme

Yep - this whole parenting thing is extreme.  I've decided I use "so" too much so I'm switching to extreme.  I'm extremely full of love for my son, my new family.  I'm extremely grateful for his health and praying that it continues.  I'm extremely tired.  I'm extremely anxious.  Extremely unsure of how to be the best mother.  Extremely excited to see him grow into the man I know I will respect, the man I know he will become.  Just...extreme.  It seems like we are living every aspect these days in the extreme. 

Honestly, it has been a tough 6 weeks.  Extremely tough.  We've had more than our share of bumps in the road as Luke has joined our family.  But we're hanging in there.  Not necessarily blogging it all like I'd hoped to do, but I assure you I AM taking a ton of pictures with every intent of getting them online soon.  But for now, I'm trying to soak up the good extremes and balance out the rough ones.  (quick note - I'm holding out on posting a ton of pics until I get his "newborn" pics taken next week so I can show some of mine and some of the fantastic ones that I know are sure to come!)

Luke's been home two weeks today and I fall more in love with him every day.  I know...so cliche right?  But I was that person who every time someone said "you don't get a mother's love until you experience it", I was all, "duh, of course".  But I mean, really.  This motherly love thing is extreme and as much as I knew that going into it all, I didn't really know it.  If I had super hero powers, I swear I would use them all to make this one tiny man the happiest person on the planet for the rest of his life. 

But, while he is doing well, he's still kind of struggling.  His little lungs aren't quite developed and, especially now that he's been fighting a cold, he's had a rough couple days.  Which makes for a rough couple days for mom and dad and a lot of sleepless nights.  He's definitely doing better today though and we are so excited to start introducing him to our friends...our healthy, hands scrubbed, adult friends.  With no kids in tow.  (See, my extreme, crazy psycho mom skills have to be in play until he starts getting monthly vaccines to boost his weak little immune system.) 

It's honestly been really hard for me to isolate him like his neonatologist and pediatrician have ordered.  I want to show him off.  I want to take him to family dinners and restaurants and let everyone fawn over him.  Literally though, he's been to the pediatrician and the ER.  In two weeks.  That's it.  And despite this immense love I have for him, and my desire to do whatever I need to in order to make him healthy and strong, it's been a challenge.  So it will be a huge blessing when he can slowly get out a bit more. 

I guess my whole "lesson" from this round of breathing issues is that this extreme love will get you by when you don't get the sleep or shower or meal or outside interaction that you think you need to continue on.  I mean, look at this face.  How could I really complain!?!?

Yes, this I'm almost certain this is a rambling post.  Probably won't make sense to anyone who may happen to still be reading.  No, actually, I'm guessing new moms out there will get it.  And preemie moms will definitely get it.  But they say that you forget all the tough first weeks or you'd never have more than one child so I feel the need to put all this down and make it concrete.  That way, when the next round of sleepless nights rolls around, or the next ER trip, the next cold, the next whatever....I can go back and assure myself that this to shall pass.  The love that I feel for my family though...now that will be sticking around indefinitely.

More exciting stuff to come.  For now, my sweet little guy needs a diaper change, a breathing treatment and a bottle.  And hopefully a good night's sleep is following all that!